As the Cookie Crumbles
by Libretto
Summary: She had to admit to herself, she wouldn't have loved him if he had been easy. makotonephrite, one-shot


Makoto couldn't help crying as she scraped flour off the sides of the bowl and onto the cookie dough, salty tears dribbling pathetically down her cheeks and falling in little drops off the end of her pointy nose. She sniffled again, and swiped under her eyes angrily, sobbing. Flour streaked from her knuckles and mingled with the salty water – it would be impossible to get off later.

But right now, the cookies were the most important thing – that, and the fact that she couldn't seem to stop _crying_, and she couldn't understand why. After all, it wasn't as though Nephrite was the most important thing in her life – she didn't need a man. She'd never needed a man. Especially not _him_ – she'd never needed _him_.

So it came as a bit of a surprise to Makoto when she found herself sobbing in the kitchen over a bowl of cookie dough, simply because she needed Nephrite.

Although it wasn't as pathetic as it sounded, she reminded herself hastily, and straightened up a little, sniffing. The other Shitennou had reunited with their respective lovers weeks ago. She was reminded of the fact every time she walked into the Arcade and saw Usagi and Mamoru hunched over the latest Sailor V game together. Every time she went over to Ami's apartment and Zoicite answered the door. Every time she saw Rei smile for absolutely no reason at all. Every time Mina picked out a dress from the rack and held it up in front of the mirror, and said she knew Kunzite would like it.

Makoto sniffed once more as she tore off a chunk of cookie dough, rolled it between her palms and pressed it down onto the baking-paper covered tray. Nephrite would never be there to make cookies with her, or answer the door when someone else called. She'd never be able to smile because she knew he was alive, and around, and loved her. She could pick out dresses in the hope that he'd appreciate them, but she wouldn't. He obviously didn't care about her that way anymore, why would she go to the trouble of dressing up for him?

She tore off a large strip of baking paper and covered the second tray. Biting her lip, she pounded the raw cookies onto the tray with a little more force than necessary, promising herself that she wouldn't cry again. After all, it wasn't as if her heart was broken.

Except, that it _was,_ because he hadn't even spoken to her, just the two of them, yet.

Makoto understood that she may have been overreacting, just the tiniest bit. Things didn't, after all, have to end bitterly between the two of them (never mind the fact that "things"hadn't even begun between the two of them yet). Nephrite hadn't exactly done anything she could blame him for – on the few occasions she had seen him since the Shitennou had returned, he had acted ... oh, what was the word for it. Normal.

He had been (and her mouth twisted in black humour) perfectly friendly. It wasn't his fault that he didn't love her anymore. It wasn't even his fault that she loved him. If Nephrite remembered what they had shared in their distant past, and no longer felt the same way, then there wasn't much that she, Makoto, could do about it.

And with that thought in mind, she pulled the oven door down and slid the tray in. 10 minutes, moderate temperature. Makoto stood back, rubbed her hands over her eyes, and then her apron, and nodded firmly.

She didn't need Nephrite to be happy. (Except, maybe, she did.)

He wasn't going to make everything better by charging in and sweeping her off her feet. (Except, he would, because he was the only reason everything wasn't better.)

Makoto watched the cookies brown gloomily, wondering how he'd crept so insidiously into her mind every moment of the day. But, of course, it didn't matter, because she didn't need him. Right?

The shrill ring of the phone startled her out of her thoughts.

"Makoto!" the equally shrill, but far more adorable voice of Tsukino Usagi cried. "You're coming today, right?"

"Eh?" Makoto grunted questioningly, her throat aching in that unfamiliar, teary way.

"The Fair!" Usagi whined. "You forgot?"

Oh. The fair.

"No, I'll be there." She sighed into the receiver, mentally running through her wardrobe while Usagi chatted. Nephrite had always liked green on her – _wait, wait_. She'd promised herself this wasn't going to happen. Then remembered, wincing, that if she were ever to get over Nephrite (or at least, learn to cope with never getting over him), constant exposure was not the best option.

"Actually, Usagi ..." she interrupted, "I'm feeling kind of sick. I don't think the fair's the best thing for me today ..."

The concern emanating from Usagi was almost tangible through the phone. "Mako, are you okay? We'll go another day, it won't be any fun if you're not there. Stay right where you are, I'll get mum to make some soup and we'll be right there –"

"No, no." Makoto said swiftly, feeling somewhat guilty now. "You enjoy your day with Mamoru, I'll be fine. I just need some quiet, that's all."

It was another seven minutes before she was able to get off the phone and trudge over to the oven to take out the cookies. She couldn't help smiling a little, her dejection having lifted the tiniest amount. Even if she was unloved by her love, Usagi, Rei, Ami and Minako almost made up for it.

She bit into the biscuit – _hot, hot, hot_ – feeling her tongue scald from the heated chocolate and her fingertips turn red. It tasted sweet, delicious, and overflowing with chocolate chips – just the way she liked it. She couldn't help but think that it would taste so much sweeter if Nephrite were there with her to share it, and just like that, the tears started again.

So she almost didn't notice the knocking at the door. She jerked up from her seat and scrubbed at her eyes furiously with the corner of her apron, then stared a little frantically at her reflection in the aluminium kettle. It was no good. She'd never had the ability to cry gracefully and look perfectly normal two minutes later. Bloodshot, puffy eyes, trembling lip, runny nose – awful. Awful, awful. Oh, well.

The pounding was rather insistent. She opened the door.

And stared into the face of Usagi, who stared right back.

"Oh." Usagi said.

"Um." Ami said.

"Ah." Rei said.

"I knew it." Mina said, with utmost sympathy, "You're lovesick."

Makoto felt her chin wobble. She sniffed (discretely, she hoped), and held the door open. "Well, come in." She said, relieved that her voice didn't crack, or croak, or wobble.

They came in, Usagi grabbing her arms gently and pushing her onto the couch where they all sat, hugging her. Makoto couldn't help but offer a tiny giggle.

"So," Usagi said, eyeing her sternly. "Is it Nephrite?"

Makoto sniffled. "It's just ..." she began, staring helplessly at Mina (who had to understand. Had to), "He's just ..." and they waited patiently while she sniffled again, hugging her silently, "He's the only guy I've ever met who's taller than me." She finally blurted out, lamely. And when she raised her head from her forearm to look at Mina, she knew she understood.

"Sweetheart." Mina sighed, her arm over Makoto's shoulders, "I wouldn't worry. You two are destined!"

Makoto sniffed, once again. The tears were abating. "He doesn't love me."

"Psh." Rei snorted, unladylike as ever. "As if you haven't noticed."

"You _are_ very compatible." Ami offered.

"Did he love you then?" Usagi asked, seriously. Makoto bit her lip.

"Yes." She said. She knew that much for certain. She lived by it.

"Then he loves you still." Usagi had answered, firmly. Sternly. No-nonsense (for once). Makoto was usually the practical one.

"He's just too much of a pansy to know how to go about it." Rei cut in, smirking.

"He's shy." Ami defended, ever sympathetic.

"He doesn't know if you love him." Usagi wondered, casting her baby-blues towards the ceiling.

"You should probably make the first move." Mina added, flashing her million-dollar smile.

Makoto laughed. She couldn't help herself.

They were, most probably, absolutely right. (And anyway, she'd never know if she didn't try).

"So I'm assuming the trip to the fair is off?" she asked, smiling. Ami confirmed the question gently. Mina nodded. Rei rolled her eyes. Usagi laughed.

"Well of course, silly! We weren't going to go without you."

"That was sweet." Makoto said, touched. "You guys ..." and she paused, and glanced towards the kitchen where two trays of cookies were still warm, and (mostly) untouched, and made a decision, "Do any of you know Nephrite's address?"

And thus, Kino Makoto found herself standing outside Nephrite's apartment door half an hour later, holding a plate of cookies in one hand and smoothing the fabric of her dress self-consciously with the other.

The door opened. Jadeite looked out.

"Oi, Nephrite!" he yelled immediately, a familiar smug smirk gracing his lips. Makoto fought the urge to pound it off his face, knowing that Rei would be none too pleased, and forced herself to wait patiently.

"Come on in, Mako." Jadeite grinned, holding the door open. "I'll make myself scarce."

She pursed her lips, entered, then reluctantly smiled back. "Thanks, I think." She mumbled. And watched with the slightest sense of impending doom as Nephrite's bare feet appeared in the opposite doorway. She heard the faintest click as the door closed behind Jadeite. Well, make me or break me, she thought dramatically and raised her eyes to meet his.

Her mind went rather blissfully blank.

By the looks of it, his was too (if his slightly agape jaw was any indication.)

Much to her disappointment, he snapped out of whatever daze he had been in rather quickly. "Makoto." He said. "Hi."

It was unfair that he could be so unflustered, and if it weren't for that stunned expression just a minute ago, she would be backing out of the apartment in mortification by now (but how could she ever have doubted, really.)

But he did deserve to pay. He did.

"Hey." She greeted him with the most brilliant smile she could muster. "I brought you some cookies from me and the girls – a little housewarming gift." She held it out before her. He crossed the room and took it from her, uncertainly. Up close, he seemed just a little dazed. She wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't been looking hard. It was endearing. But she wasn't about to make it easy for him.

"Sorry about the whole fair thing." she added, sweetly.

He recollected himself. "Usagi called that you were sick. You got better all of a sudden?"

"Yeah, I'm good." (Not that this is awkward, or anything.) "How've you been? Uni? Work?"

Nephrite didn't make it easy for her not to make it easy on him. But then again, he was always fair sport (and she had to admit to herself, she wouldn't have loved him if he was easy.) He set the plate down, carefully, on the coffee table in the lounge room and looked at her. Her smile became just the slightest bit forced, and she shifted uneasily from one foot to the other. He had rather gorgeous eyes. Rather intense gorgeous eyes. Rather intense and focussed gorgeous eyes, directly on her. (It made her just a little uncomfortable. Just a little.)

"No." He says, slowly. Seriously. "How ... how have you been?"

Makoto frowned. "Good."

And suddenly, at last, Nephrite seemed to have regained his confidence (or arrogance, depending on which way she looked at it.)

"Good." He murmured, stepping closer, and watching her with a hint of a smirk.

For one moment, there was silence.

And then he reached for her.

Makoto considered, while nestled happily in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder, how she had always been pleased he was taller than her. And how infinitely more pleased that her friends had been right after all.

"Hey." She murmured, hiding her grin in the crook of his neck.

He exhaled against her, and nuzzled into her hair. "Hey." He answered, almost laughing, but not quite.

She would have kissed him, but it would have ruined the moment.

A couple of hours later, on his sofa, with cookie crumbs scattered down the fronts of their shirts and into their laps, however, she had no qualms.

And thought, with exhilaration, as he kissed her back, that life was good. Very, very good.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it! Please review, and God bless. 


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